Full Circle

It's 8:00 the night before Valentine's Day.

My handsome man is asleep on the couch.  Poor guy, what a day.

It makes me think back to our very first Valentine's Day, five Valentines ago.

We had only been dating for about 2 months.  I kept a diary back then, and here is what I wrote:

Thursday, February 15th, 2007

He gave me quite a scare on Tuesday!  Sunday night, he said he wasn't feeling well, and all day on Monday, he kind of dragged.  He stopped by my room after his basketball game on Monday night (yes, he played!  crazy guy...) and he was drenched in sweat.  His body was cold to the touch, but he was soaked through.

Tuesday morning, I sat next to him in chapel, and he was so feverish that I got too hot just sitting next to him and had to take my sweater off.

He didn't go to orchestra rehearsal.

I stopped by his room after my night class got out, and he didn't even get up to answer the door.  Just called out weakly, "It's open."

He was curled up in bed with a hoodie, a jacket, and two heavy blankets on, and he was shivering.  I've never even seen him get goosebumps before!  And here he was trembling as if he was in the snow.  In the snow and on fire.  His head was burning up.

We're in college.  We don't have what we need when someone is sick.  I had nothing to take his temperature with, nothing to reduce his fever, no way to alleviate his pain.

So I ran to the store and bought all sorts of things.  I took his  temperature when I got back, and it was 1025.  He was feeling hot by then and had taken off the blankets and jackets.  The back of his t-shirt was wet with sweat.  I took wash cloths and applied them to his neck, forehead, and sponged off his back.  I gave him gatorade I had bought at the store (I was afraid he might be dehydrated) and gave him Tylenol to reduce his fever.  Then I sat by his bed with my hand on his arm and prayed.

Half aan hour later, I took his temperature again, and this time, the thermometer read 103.9.  It was 11:45 at night, and I had 15 minutes before I had to leave his room due to privacy hours.  I couldn't leave him like that.  Neither of his roommates were there, and there was no one to take care of him if I left.  But I was afraid to leave him, because if his fever got any higher, he could go into seizures or lose consciousness.

So we decided to go to the ER.  I drove his car (for the first time! which is funny because he had just showed me how to work the anti-theft system so that the car would start when we were at the lake on Sunday).

I was so worried for him when we got to the ER a little after midnight.  He could barely walk a straight line (and I may be tall, but there's a 70 pound difference between us!)  and when they made him stand at the counter to fill out all the forms, he could barely hold his head up.  I was afraid he was going to pass out.

No one saw him until nearly 3 in the morning.  We sat in the waiting room and he rested on my shoulder.  I read a little bit of Princess Bride to him (we're reading it together) but he was so tired, I don't know how much he heard.

What a guy!  He stayed so positive the whole time.  He would smile and squeeze my hand, and even cracked a few jokes at times.  They held him there until his fever broke around 4am.  And then he was a completely different person!  Almost back to himself again.  "Almost," he said, "Just not 110% yet."  He winked.  I love him!

I love him!

If you ever feel I say that too much, go ahead and close this book now, because I don't see a change in the forecast anytime soon!

It's the Valentine's Day curse.  Jesse says we've been lucky the last 3 that he hasn't been sick, because apparently it's been a tradition for him to get crazy-sick every Valentine's Day.  His fever got up to 103* today.  Poor guy, he very rarely ever gets sick, but when he does, boy, does he!

Today has been a quiet day.  We stayed home from church, and Jesse has slept pretty much the entire day away.  I'm glad.  He needs rest.  He's always on the go, and every once in a while, his body reminds him that sometimes he needs to slow down.  I've awakened him every half hour or so to take his temperature and get some liquids into him, but other than that, he's been lost to the world.  Hopefully he'll sleep through the night, and be able to enjoy another day of rest tomorrow.

I wish I could stay with him tomorrow!  It's my very first day at my new job.  After nearly three years of "just" being a substitute teacher, of feeling invisible, abused, and taken advantage of, I'm leaving it all behind and becoming a Pre-K teacher.  I'm so ready to have somewhere to set my things, and know that I'll be back tomorrow.  It's not what I went to college for, it's not what I anguished through Student Teaching or pursuing my credential for, but it's a position, a place to be, and a way that I can really contribute to our household.  Jesse's so good at reminding me that there's never been a time in our marriage that I haven't been working.  It's much harder to be a substitute dealing with unpredictable situations  than it is to settle into one position, and I'm thankful that he recognizes that and reminds me of it frequently.  I'm also thankful that he supports me in leaving behind my dream of being an elementary teacher for now in search of something more stable.  I'm not giving up on that dream, I'm just accepting that it's really not the time.  Not when thousands of pink slips paper Southern California every Spring and teachers are forced to give up on early retirement in order to be able to afford what life is throwing at them.  Someday.  Someday.  Just not now.

Now is the time for my favorite nursery songs, fingerplays, and picture books.

I'm looking forward to it!

Please pray that Jesse continues to improve and that he'll be ok tomorrow without me.  And please pray that my first day goes well tomorrow!

♥Bethany